A topic that has frequently cropped up in group sessions recently is the power of words. I am a firm believer that our inner voice and the words we choose can have a huge impact on how we feel. Changing our language can change our mindset, and how we approach challenges.
This is backed up by science. Neuroscience studies have proven that negative words increase stress by releasing anxiety-inducing hormones, whilst positive thoughts can actually change the workings, associations and connections within our brain, adjusting our perception of ourselves and the world around us. Its worth choosing your words carefully!
Language can be cultural. What is the typical response to "how are you?" In Britain, we are likely to respond with a "not bad"! But your subconscious is hearing the word "bad" in that sentence. How about switching it to "I'm good today"? (or even throw in an "I'm awesome" - its fun to watch the reactions, and your subconscious just may believe it!)
How often do your hear yourself or others say "I will try to...."? When we say that, intentionally or not, we are giving ourselves the immediate option to opt out or to fail. It may be lack confidence in our abilities, or perhaps we want to hedge our bets. For some, its a polite way of saying "no" without actually saying it - "Yes, I'll try to get along to that event later this week...." knowing full well we have very little intention of going(!) But what does that do to our brand when we just don't show up, or we cancel with late notice? Why not just say "sorry, won't make it" - what's the worst that can happen by just declining - then everyone knows where they stand?
For other "I will try" scenarios, a bolder response would be "I'll do it". Straight away, its decisive, and its making a commitment. Your subconscious hears that determination in your words, and you will be more determined to find a way forward. I know my drive to lose that half stone, or to get to the gym increases when I say "I'll do it" instead of "I'll try" - and I have seen that my odds of success in business scenarios also increase when I choose that mindset.
Another favourite word swap for me is changing "I need to" to "I choose to". For non-morning people, and I absolutely include myself, how often have you thought grumpily "I need to get up and go to work" (and soon this will involve stepping out of a warm bed into a cold room, given the cost of heating this winter!) A thought that helps me - I remind myself I have chosen to do the job I do, and I am lucky to do it. We have all made decisions that have led us to our current realities. Whether intentionally or not, we have chosen our paths. And if we really don't like it - we can choose another one. So, when I hear that grumpy little voice feeling aggrieved at the thought of getting up, I remind myself that "I choose" to go to work, and that I am very fortunate to be able to do so.
Another common scenario in the workplace - someone in the team has a bright idea, and the first thing they hear in response to it is "Yes, but...." When we put that "but" straight in there, they are effectively hearing "no"! Now, we may be acting with best intentions, but the team member's bubble is well and truly burst, and the idea soon forgotten. But shoot ideas down quickly, and you can very quickly end up with a team culture where people just don't contribute new suggestions. Opportunities for innovation and efficiencies are lost. My suggestion - switch "Yes, but" to "Yes, and...". Suddenly, you find you are a collaborator in the idea, instead of a blocker! Now, it doesn't mean we need to agree with everything, or every idea will be a good one, but by allowing an idea to develop for a few minutes before thinking of all the "buts", there may just be a nugget of brilliance in there that could give your team a real edge. There is still time to consider the "but's" thereafter!
Its all very well considering out own language and actions, but what about the words and actions of others. It's very easy to get derailed if get cut off by another driver on your daily commute, or your first call of the day is an angry customer complaint. Your inner voice is now screaming "my day is ruined!" Heck - I remember my daughter once telling me I'd ruined her life! (in fairness, she was three and I had given her fish fingers instead of macaroni for dinner - it was understandable....) My point is - why are we allowing other peoples actions and words wreck our day? How about changing our inner dialogue to "I'm not going to let their attitude impact me". That's taking back the power and controlling how we want to feel.
Negative Nancy's walk amongst us, and the best solution would be to simply tie up them up and store them in the basement, - but I can't recommend that....they may untie themselves, and its probably illegal,. But here's a simple mind trick that may help,
Its called The Bell jar Trick, and I learned it 20 years ago when attending an excellent Mindstore Course by Jack Black. All you need is your imagination. The trick is to imagine a large Bell jar, that fits over you. You can see out of it, others can see in it, but any negative words just bounce off it. That means the negativity is not getting to you and infecting your positive mindset. When I first heard this tip, I didn't actually know what a Bell jar was, so imagined a large Jam Jar - but it worked just as well!
So there you have it - the power of words. Reactive language causes us to feel powerless and that we aren't responsible for our choices. Steven Covey is quoted as saying "reactive people are often affected by their physical environment. They find external sources to blame for their behaviour". What if the answer to a positive and proactive mindset is within our full control and lies within ourselves? What's your preference - positive words leading to a positive mindset and a productively awesome day, or will you continue to be "not bad"?
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