I've been a professional coach for over 8 years now but I am still constantly learning. Coaching can feel like a dark art, with many books, training programmes etc. dedicated to the topic. I have read many of them, have attended many workshops and now run coaching programmes for others! I am going dedicate a few blogs to sharing some of the key concepts that have really helped me to think differently, and a few top tips I have picked up along the way.
One of the most pivotal concepts that transformed how I coach - coaching requires the coach to move from "tell" to "ask". Simple to say....very difficult to do! We all want to add value and help someone solve their problem - and providing a solution can be a quick fix. Particularly when the solution feels very obvious to us! And by bringing our expertise to the table, we are demonstrating value - right? Saving the coachee time, taking away their stress....we are indeed a great coach! Well, maybe not...
Because true coaching adopts the mindset that the correct answer lies within the coachee - once a coaching need has been established it is the coach's role to create a space where the coachee can explore possible solutions, and consider which may be right for them. Listening, asking great questions, providing feedback, raising awareness, building self belief and encouraging the coachee to take responsibility. Coaching questions should be open, non judgmental - and non-leading! Yes, I have tried that old trick of hiding what I believe to be a great solution within a question.....its cheating!
But why does it matter who comes up with the solution, as long as its a good solution that helps solve the coachee's problem? It matters, because what may seem like a great solution to us, may not be the right fit for the coachee. Remember, they are the experts in their world, not us, we merely see a glimpse through their eyes. If we rush to offer our solution, without creating the opportunity for the coachee to consider all options, they may miss a far better route forward. If you offer a solution to quickly, and are in a position of influence (e.g. you are the coachee's line manager) the coachee may feel duty bound to accept it. Offering a solution early in the session also takes the pressure off the coachee to be resourceful and challenge themselves. It may make it easy for them to avoid what would be a more uncomfortable but impactful way forward. And if its your solution, the coachee may not fully embrace and own it as they would if it was their own.
Some great coaching questions I often use to help unlock the coachee's inner solutions:-
What is most challenging about this for you?
When have you faced a similar problem before, what did you do then?
Tell me about someone you admire - what would they do if faced with this problem?
What would a great outcome look and feel like for you?
How committed are you to making progress?
What options are open to you?
What other options could you consider?
What is the key thing you would need to do get started?
How will you know if its working?
What else is challenging about this for you?
What else?
The first question is one of the most important ones - it cuts through what could be a lot of time wasting dialogue and gets straight to the heart of the problem. For example, a client may wish to explore the best way to grow their sales book. By asking what is most challenging, you ensure the coachee spend
s time focusing on the right problem. It may be that they don't have a big network, their brand may not be strong, they may lack confidence in building new relationships, they may have an unmotivated sales team, Understanding where the challenge actually lies is vital, and until asked, the coachee may not even have deeply considered that.
"What else" is also a hugely powerful way of helping the coachee to open up what may be lying under the surface, and the unlocking the true blocker to them being able to move forward.
But what do you do if the coachee truly does not have a solution, and you have one that you are convinced will work? My response would be....sit in your curiosity longer than you think you need to. Allow a little silence (this feels like an eternity to you, but its actually valuable thinking time for the coachee!) Ask an additional question. Ask the coachee what they would like to do. I do think it is ok at this poin
t to ask the coachee if they would be comfortable for you to offer an idea. But its important that you are not overly attached to the idea - it is the coachee's decision on whether they wish to hear it, and whether they wish to use it!
I am regularly amazed that by having an open and curious mind, and trusting that the coachee has the inner resourcefulness that will lead to the best solution, they walk away from the coaching session motivated, eager to put their plan in place, and that the plan is far better than the one I would have suggested if I had been in "tell" mode!
But where do you add value if not through your expertise? Your value is absolutely added by helping to create thinking space, providing feedback when
you see patterns emerge, challenging the coachee to really address their bigger issue, which may be below the iceberg. Its hugely satisfying as a coach when you can see transformation in the client and know that coaching has been instrumental in creating that. One of my clients told me last week that our sessions really made her feel energized and motivated during what has been a very stressful period of change. Another told me last month he entered a session seriously considering leaving his job, but the thinking time during the session helped him to identify the true root cause of his frustrations, and leave with a new found enthusiasm to address it. He is now focused and performing happily in his role. I myself can think of great coaching sessions I have received from others, that have been instrumental in helping me to make life transforming decisions.. Coaching - w
hen become the expert of creating the coaching environment instead of the expert at solving the client's problem - can be one of the biggest value adds of all!
And did you see that reference to an Iceberg in the last paragraph? What does an iceberg have to do with coaching?! Watch out for a future blog when we will cover the Iceberg concept!
Comments